5 In Self Love

Why You Need to Love Yourself Unconditionally

how to love yourself

I recently spent the weekend at a silent meditation retreat with my partner.

It’s so rare we get extended periods alone to unpack and sort through our thoughts these days.

At first it felt a little strange, and it was really hard to resist the urge to share my thoughts and experiences with my fiance, make a joke, or ask other attendees questions about their lives.

But by the end of the retreat, I felt so calm, peaceful and most importantly, in touch with my own soul.

This extended period of self-reflection led to a huge and life-changing aha! moment for me.

Want to know what it was?

I realised the incredible importance of loving yourself unconditionally.

Not just when you are your perfect shining self.

When your cooking totally rocks, you’re having one of those awesome hair days, you say the right things, you smash out your work and personal projects, you light up the room and bluebirds follow you everywhere.

You have to love yourself on the bad days too.

When you stuff up. Say the wrong things. Your hair won’t sit right. You’re exhausted. Anxious. Your fears keep you awake at night. You temporarily succumb to procrastination, FOMO and too much take-away.

You are equally loveable at all times.

You are an inherently worthy spiritual being having a human experience.

You totally win at life simply by being here. In every moment you are fulfilling your destiny and purpose on earth – to be you, a unique and once-in-an-infinity collection of magic and energy.

Why is unconditional self-love so important?

Unconditional self-love gives you the strength and courage to try new things and to go after your dreams, because you have insurance – you know that no matter what the outcome, you will still love and accept yourself regardless.

It’s like a safety net; a minimum height below which you will never fall.

Knowing that you have your own back, knowing that your self-worth is not dependent on your success, drives you to try more because you’ve got nothing to lose – which in turn, leads to greater success.

It’s a lot like the saying: success does not bring happiness – happiness brings success.

I have learnt for sure that success doesn’t bring self-love – self-love brings success.

Getting in shape, nabbing a boyfriend or landing a dream career role doesn’t make you love yourself.

An innate sense of unconditional self-love and acceptance is the foundation from which happiness, love and career success all come in an effortless, authentic and beautiful way.

So the next time you want something in your life in order to feel good about yourself, give a little chuckle at the folly of your reverse thinking, and decide to feel good about yourself NOW.

Then the things you desire will inevitably be drawn into your life.

Elyse x

p.s. Are you ready to breakfree from the negative self-talk holding you back? Are you tired of not believing in yourself and your dreams? Would you love to turn your self-love and worthiness up ten thousand percent? I have something for you. My Self Love online course is a practical step-by-step guide to self love and confidence. You can check it out here.


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  • Reply
    January 3, 2018 at 6:22 am

    This website is really helping me but I still have an issue with feeling guilty and forgiving myself for mistakes i have made. It’s very hard to be so sensitive and completely let yourself off the hook for things you do wrong
    Hopefully reading more on here will help 🙂

    • Reply
      Elyse Santilli
      January 3, 2018 at 7:59 am

      Forgive yourself for not yet being ready to forgive yourself, or use the mantra “I am willing to forgive”. 🙂

  • Reply
    Joey Koester
    December 8, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    You say NOW like the present moment is all there is or something 😉 Haha. Enjoy

  • Reply
    March 15, 2015 at 8:37 am

    i am in awww by the things i have been reading…so blessed i found this info. i have been searching trying to find myself and evolve but everyone wants hundreds of dollars, i have been battling this my whole life and through you i am gaining clarity,confirmation and the tools to believe in what i feel and know ,now i have the ability to change. thank you so very much you are a life saver literally

    • Reply
      Elyse Gorman
      March 15, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      I’m so thrilled + grateful to hear that charissa, thank you so much for being here + love and blessings on your inner journey xxx

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